50 Shades of Chris Christie

Ladies, everyone needs to take a deep breath and relax.

No, I am not referring to the upcoming Congressional vote on the use of force in Syria. But something far more serious that has clogged up the Twittersphere and Facebook posts alike.  (“My Demographic” is rabidly upset.  Foaming at thy fingertips.)

Last week was a treacherous one, with you know, the apoplectic miscast of Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele in the upcoming production of the questionably written “50 Shades of Grey” (says the woman who drives a minivan and eschews anything Louis Vuitton. But seriously, people, by the 3rd book weren’t your undergarments in the washing machine because you peed yourself laughing so hard?).

I would tell you that not only is the most profitable writer of all mankind, E.L. James, brilliant because she figured out how to spin a Lifetime Telenovela General Hospital hybrid staring Ben Wa balls into print, but she has gone public and “approves” (apparently, so does Brad Pitt) of the casting.  Angering more Mommies everywhere.  Ladies, don’t smash your jackrabbits to smithereens just yet!

Use your imaginations.  The movie is probably going to get an NC-17 rating, although this may be a bad thing. Remember “Showgirls?”  Poor Jessie Spano’s career never recovered.  For the record, to your horrification, I will be treating this movie as a comedy and will surely be booed out of the theatre the first time Anastasia starts muttering about “her sex”.  (Yes, of course I am going to go see it).  Be positive, Ladies!  Once the make-up department over at Universal Studios and Harley Pasternack are finished with Charlie Hunnam, you may see a glimpse of the imaginary Christian Grey that (somehow) got you hot-and-bothered.

Not me, Ladies, not me.  After all, “my” Christian Grey is more along the likes of Governor Christie.  Short, rotund, loud, obnoxious angry …”OH MY!!!!!

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2 thoughts on “50 Shades of Chris Christie

  1. Jammin says:

    So what’s the problem with Charlie? You never said why he is so ill equipped. He looks pretty damn good to me in Sons of Anarchy.

    • ginacolley says:

      I actually think he’s fairly tasty. It’s apparently the majority of the rest of America that feels cheated Matt Bomer didn’t make the cut.

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