A Cry for Help: Naganator 3.0

Women who have survived their 40th birthday, come hither!  Cheer on with overused and condescending phraseology such as, “life is just beginning”!  You must do something, as a cantankerous cloud of doom has shadowed this house so fiercely that I have been dubbed “The Naganator” by the 3 children I not only birthed, but provide 24-hour maid service.

Your advice is appreciated- is this a midlife crisis or normal behavior for a woman on the eve of 40?

  • Anyone ever try on their wedding dress 14 years after the last time they wore it…when they were YOUNG and FUN and FIRM?  Bad.idea.
  •  Although it may be somewhat common to need distance glasses and READERS by middle age, but in desperation to forego Benjamin Franklin bifocals- is it ok to not only purchase overpriced neon blue readers but Edna E. Mode black framed mens glasses ….to feel edgy?
  • Anyone else have a very specific Plastic Surgery Wish List?
  • Anyone burst into their hair salon and ask their stylist to think “90’s punk rock chic” and cut off all their hair (or what remains of it after all the hormonal shifts) and dye it blonde? (Thank you, Jason, the copper highlights are a much better alternative).
  •  Is it normal that during a routine ultrasound screening to abruptly stop the tech midway through and ask to see how many eggs are left?  To stare longingly at all the black follicular blobs?    To tear up and hear faint cries of the ghosts of Babies Future ?
  • Any of your husbands find you curled in a ball on the couch inconsolably crying because your eldest is going to college….in 6 years??
  • Is it common to progress very quickly from a very PC person to NOT GIVING A RAT’S ASS about what you say and whom you say it to?  For example, freaking out the fellow gymnastics moms by admitting your celebrity crush is Abby Wambach?
  • How about frequent cursing around young, impressionable children?  Anyone of you have a 6 year old who says, “What the ass??”
  • Do you find yourself wearing leather spandex to the grocery store?  Not because it makes you feel 22, but keeps all the jiggly bits in place?  More to the point, is it ok to still wear leather spandex?!?!
  • Anyone else find themselves morphing into Stiffler’s Mom?  How about during your son’s snowboard lesson overtipping the hottie twentysomething instructor, “Josh”, with ice blue eyes who uses phraseology you typically deem irreverent such as “right on” and “my man”?  Further, then seriously contemplating signing up for ski lessons regardless of the fact that you’ve been skiing for 29 years??

Make haste, T minus 10 days until 40 rings of the bell….I need counsel!

Love & Stuff,

Naganator Magee

7 thoughts on “A Cry for Help: Naganator 3.0

  1. Susan says:

    Re: inconsolable crying couch ball, did this follow a conversation with Mrs. Empty Nest across the street? Because you ain’t seen nothin’ yet! When they are gone, the identity crisis blows away the yuppie-to-mommy one. On a lighter note, one of my 10 strategically placed readers is neon blue, albeit cheap, so you are good :B)

  2. Stacy says:

    Myself and my brood of 3 would fit right in. Though, I haven’t been moved to change to a blonde yet…and my 40 bells hath already chimed!

  3. Beth says:

    I love reading your posts!! And I can reply Yes to at least a few on that list. I’d pretty much trade a few years off the end of my life to have your bod, so take heart!

  4. Sara says:

    Omg I love you
    And don’t worry, my 3 curse like sailors too

  5. Sharon says:

    Hmmmm. No,no,no,no,no,yes,yes,no,no,no. That answer comes with no judgement! We all do what we have to do…until bio identical hormones to the rescue. Linda Evans once said “forty isn’t fatal”…she was right.

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