The Hyphenista, also known as Gina, is notable as the only known person in the universe who willingly left the state of Florida to relocate back to her frozen tundra hometown in the Northeast. Currently, she parents 3 extremely high maintenance children, attends grad school, and is a Communications Consultant. In her free time, you will find her hiding in her closet sniffing her old power suit dreaming of her corporate America commission checks of years past.
In her former life, Gina worked with the top trial lawyers in Georgia (now that’s a memoir) in the financial services realm selling an obscure annuity product no one has ever heard of. She lived in Atlanta and got in a lot of trouble with her way- too-much-fun Florida State sorority sisters (another memoir), she considered herself an Ambassador of Feminism and Capitalism. She was never going to get married, and was never going to take a man’s last name.
Ah, to be so young and foolish.
Introducing Gregg. It all began on The Most Disastrous Blind Date Ever with a rotund little Republican with a combover. He was really funny (still is 12 years later), didn’t stay out until 6 am, and was kind of a stalker. She awoke one morning married and living in the sleepy Southern town of Tallahassee, Florida (GO NOLES!). And then, she decided to procreate.
After Gina bore her first blue eyed, blonde son and realized they wouldn’t share the same last name, the hyphen seemed a brilliant compromise. Gina, her hyphen, her briefcase, her palm pilot and her baby boy lived a very balanced life. She even funded his college plan. She was THE HYPHENISTA.
Now, a decade later, throw in another son and a baby girl with an androgynous name, and the hyphen has turned into the bane of her existence. Mostly, because she has 3 aliases and forgets which one to use at any particular venue. Her childrens’ playmates don’t know how to greet her. Her daughter’s gymnastics bill sounds like it’s addressed to a lawfirm. The pharmacy is the most painful- is it in the CO bin or the HO bin? In addition, the hyphen inspires harsh judgement. Once people figure out she is neither published nor sporting a PhD, they deem her an elitist poseur.
These days you will find Gina in her uniform-workout clothes, regardless if she actually makes it to the gym or not, chaffeuring the ankle biters to their athletic and musical activities they are sure to quit upon entering middle school due to overexposure. Her children eat takeout pizza for dinner. A lot.
She can only dream that one day, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes, The Hyphenista will return. And she’ll even be showered! In the meantime, she will continue to bang her head against her energy efficient washing machine and share her stories in public forum. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!