Adam Levine and David Beckham are NOT Hot

This post will work best if it is interactive. I am going to need some audience participation.  Feel free to chime in, and you can remain anonymous.  (Actually, please remain anonymous when you ask how vapid of a housewife am I for posting about this subject.)  Your disagreement on who is not on my hot list will not strike an deep emotional chord.

Adam Levine and David Beckham are NOT hot.  They just really aren’t.  Now, my friend Princess Nattles would tell you I am not a credible source. She would point out that I have no appreciation for “raw hotness”.  I beg to differ, I am always checking out hot Dads.  After all, my celebrity crushes are Chris Christie and Rahm Emanuel.  She would argue that politicians do not count as celebrities, so I would tell you that I heart Jeff Bridges and Ari Gold.  She would remind me that Jeff Bridges is as old as my Dad and ficticious TV characters are moot.

So, while these two may appeal to the masses (millions and millions of masses), why don’t they exactly appeal to me?  Top three reasons…

1.  Men Who Pose–  I simply cannot take a man who poses multiple times a day on a regular basis seriously, therefore I cannot find them attractive.  The selfie kissy fish lips?  The fake smolder?  The hip swivel and luscious bun tilt?  Egads!  Take this photo posted below.  Can we deduce that he is contemplating the GDP?  Is he wondering if he remembered his Arrid Xtra Dry?   Just can’t do it, Vern.


2.  So Many Tattoos That I’d Need Adderall If We Went On a Date–  Relax, Francis, I am not anti-tat.  I have one that used to rest on my hip and was a Leni Lenape totem for strength and courage. Now, 3 babies and 170 pounds gained and lost later, it looks like a Rorschach splatter.  The Husband is also tattooed.  So, I am not a tattoo hater, I would just find it incredibly distracting when almost every inch of ones body is tattooed.  Between Levine and Beckham and my inability to focus, I can’t imagine we’d ever even have conversations.  Also, I’d want to know WHY, why choose the what appears to be a Great White Shark? I’d want to know why he didn’t pick a Hammerhead. And, the issue of what does one do when he has tattooed the name of his former Victoria’s Secret model girlfriend on his knuckles, but who is not the Victoria’s Secret model he is currently engaged to, and may not be the Victoria’s Secret model he will eventually marry?  And, let’s not forget, these tattoos look great on men with 8 packs in their prime, but what happens when the inevitable beer belly emerges?  That plunging eagle will need some tasty vittles tatted around Levine’s belly button to go after.

3.  If Your Voice Is Higher Pitched Than Mine-  Ok, again, I might not be a credible source as one of my nicknames is “Man Voice” (…call me anytime before 7 AM and before I’ve cleared my throat with scorching coffee…I sound like a cross between Juno in Beetlejuice and James Earl Jones…) but have you heard these men interview?

What say you?

One thought on “Adam Levine and David Beckham are NOT Hot

  1. CC says:

    Very funny stuff but I have to disagree.
    There is a reason these men are called Eye Candy! No need for them or their tats to mentally stimulate me…no need for them to even speak…we’ve got friends and boyfriends and husbands for that. If they didn’t pose how would I get the best views of their bulging biceps?
    They are both HOT HOT HOT!

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