Category Archives: Married Life

Next Stop…Bagel Bites?

An Open Letter To My Southern Friends:

If ya’ll were at my house tonight, you’da never believed your eyes.  I do believe at least 2 of you would have murmured under your breath…”bless her heart”.

Let us drift back in our memory banks to the parties/dinners/mini soirees hosted on Woodley Road.  Do you lovingly recall the garlic tomatoes from the crostini melting in your mouth?  The gooey provolone seeping out of the pepperoni bread and drizzling down your chin?  Your heartburn that exploded like Vesuvius from all of my marinara infused main dishes?  Let us reminisce about The Eldest’s 1st birthday party, the “Halloween Tailgate” party where I spent days preparing the Williams Sonoma pumpkin cake with homeade frosting?  The jack o’lantern treat bags that I hand crafted with your childrens’ names scrawled in calligraphy which included homemade spider toys?  The invitations were printed on thick cardstock and I had designed a pumpkin encapsulating a photo of The Eldest’s adorable little face.

7 years and 2 extra cheeeeeldren later, “get togethers” and birthday parties around here have….evolved.

This evening, we had a family party to celebrate The Nosy Meap’s 3 rd year on the planet.  I am not sure if I have gotten smarter or lazier, but this is how it went down:

*  An email invite (I didn’t even bother with an EVITE) to the family members and JUST ONE little  girlfriend, whose parents happen to be our good pals.

* Pre-prepared Hello Kitty gift bags ordered from Amazon, that The Eldest assembled them as his afternoon busy project.

*  3 appetizers were offered, one being made by my mother.  App #2 was a corn dip, which main ingredients came from a can and App #3 was on a Boboli.

*  I had no game, activity or marquis moment planned.  I take that back.  The Eldest played “Happy Birthday” on his keyboard and incorporated “cha cha cha” with the synthesizer.

*  Pizza.  We ordered pizzas…and…they were delivered.

*  Crazy cousin Amy brought premade Hello Kitty Cupcakes.  I bought a yellow sheet cake from Giant.  Although SHOUT OUT TO ME, under the tutelage of The Eldest, I created the Hello Kitty on the cake with icing tubes.  Flowers courtesy of the Giant bakers.

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And now, friends, you will just feel pity for me as I further reflect on the evening.  Ding!  I just remembered that earlier today, I had purchased A LOT of pre-cut, pre-washed and pre-assembled fresh fruit…and it’s still lingering in my fridge. Dammit!  In addition, Lazy Mom also bought 4 containers of pre-diced vegetables that I put in corresponding mini ceramic vegetable serving dishes for the greek salad…that is … still in the crisper. Double Dammit!

Mama & Mr. Momica, you’d be laughing right now and MoreSara, I think I’d be defriended…

 

The Worm Farm

This was written by The Husband, who is pretty damn funny in his own right, in 2008 while we were living in our original hometown, Tallahassee, Florida.  I do believe at least my boys are old enough to help me resurrect this Earth friendly project come Spring…you know, along with hanging The Bat House on the front porch…  

worm

The Worm Farm Part One….the compost

Like most of America, G’s new year’s resolution was to “go green”, but unlike the rest of us who simply changed light bulbs or got a more efficient washing machine, G was determined to take it to a new level. Like many G missions, this one had the two usual ingredients that make these things fun: one, I get roped into it, and two, it snowballed out of control.  It all began with the announcement that “we’ll be composting”….because we waste too much lettuce, greens and eggshells. The composting required the purchase of a nice stainless steel container on the counter….the smelting of which must offset any “green” impact we’ll accomplish this year.  Now while you might think this is a solid idea, remember we live in the humid south – while this might work in January, try not to come visit us in August without a mask…..so I asked G what we’d be doing with said compost…..a garden was the answer….

Part Two….the worm farm arrives

So, it turns out that you can actually turn the compost into a fertilizer rich soil faster by using some worms. So, then it turns out you can’t just hope the worms come along…no, you have to buy a worm farm. So, after weeks of research, G settled on some European night crawlers (no, they didn’t come from Europe as one of our highly educated friends asked), they got shipped in from south Florida. They arrive via UPS overnight jet service in a plastic tub (again, setting us back another year in our Carbon footprint). I come home from work to find The Oldest and G rooting through the box and the stuffing and setting up the “nest” for the 1000 worms that are about to be laid down for the night. Needless to say to anyone on this email who has ever lived with G, I spent an hour cleaning up after her.

Part Three…..sixty degrees


After the worms were tucked safely in their home – which looks like a large tupperware storage bin – G continued to read the instructions and said “um, it says here the worms need to be kept at above sixty degrees…”. It took me a moment to do the math, but I asked “are you saying the worms are housepets until the Spring?”. Yup, the worms made a beeline for our bathtub, where for some reason we had to keep the light on all night, even though the lid sealed it shut…remember, we’re going “green”. After G went to check on her boys before turning in for the night, she popped the lid on the worms and wished them well in their new home…how sweet.

Part Four….first time, shame on you…


The next morning, upon entering the bathroom….yup, worms everywhere. I don’t mean one worm got out, I mean 300 worms got out. I mean the worms were out of the bin, out of the tub, and headed for the closets. I mean there were worms in the jets of the whirlpool, in the drain and pretty much everywhere but in the bin. You see, it turns out that 11 PM G didn’t quite get that seal right, and so those worms must’ve had some anxiety, and out the tub they went. G noticed them first and said to me “um, we have a problem”….I think my response at that hour was something like “sweetie WE don’t have a problem….”.

So, with a death count somewhere in the 10% range, we still had 900 viable, hungry, happy worms. Only thing was, we needed to get them out of the house, and it was going to hit 45 degrees last night. So, the garage seemed like a happy medium to G. With help, she was able to secure a good seal – but then The Next Door Neighbors stopped by, and the 3 year old twins, Peeps and Biscuit must see the worms! Yup, didn’t seal the lid. Yup, worms everywhere this morning. Yup, even worse than last time. Yup, they got into everything in the garage and died horribly dehydrated, cold deaths. I saved the strongest of the strong – the 100 worms that simply would not yield to G’s tough love farming techniques. I saved them by taking them deep into the woodline and dumping the tupperwear over…..but for 900 of their friends and family…it was simply too late.

Afterword, 
I’m told that we can keep the container and replicate the bedding, that all we’ll need to do in March is to get some more worms. So I can’t really swear that this story has reached its climax yet – but I can promise to keep you up to date on our mission to save the planet. The Dwyers are coming to town this weekend, and Kev has requested a non-wormed room…I don’t think he understands the joy of going green like I do…we’ll try to get him the religion.


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