Dear NFL Marketing Yahoos,

Sirs, I am sure you are on the receiving end of plenty of opinions and advice from people who actually know what they are talking about, but this very opinionated semi-housewife who rolls in tattered yoga pants and occasionally serves as a Sunday School Teacher sub has an earful for ya.

I am crossing a delicate line here, people.

So, yes, while the throwback uniform idea was a cool idea, for say, the San Diego chargers (who doesn’t like a lightening bolt) , who decided that the Greenbay Packers should wear nudie pants?  Adding to my zero credibility is the confession that I don’t really care or know anything about football.  You say Aaron Rogers and I just tilt my head like the RCA dog.  I just happened to be at my parents house yesterday afternoon whildst the Packers brought the beatdown on the Eagles and I just couldn’t peel my eyes away from the nudie pants.  Firstly, I thought my eyes were deceiving me as the players didn’t look like they were wearing pants.  At all.

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So, here are my top 5 reasons, in no particular order, of why these Packer nudie pants need nixing:

5.  They resemble Depression era ladies hosiery.

4.  They resemble 70’s era, Studio 54 ladies hosiery.

3.   Viewers should not be able to so clearly see jock straps and leg hairs while watching a football game.

2.  While wearing such dastardly pants, they destroyed the Eagles. So, while I don’t care about football, everyone else in my family    does.  Cranky family. Blame the pants!

1.  I.saw.man.parts. MAN PARTS.  Someone had some slippage issues.

I have very few talents that could generate profit, but surely you could use me on your payroll.  We all need someone to recongize and say “for all that is good and pure in this world, no nudie football pants!”  Do you not have someone in the cubes that could have brought this to light?

Sincerely,

Disturbed Hybrid in The Frozen Tundra

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