After last week’s post, where I am sure I offended at least 80% of my purse slugging co-females, I have just decided to irk pretty much everyone else in “my demographic”, whatever that is…
Can someone please explain the stick figure family phenomenon to me? Everywhere I turn- shopping centers, strip malls, gyms galore, pool clubs, sports fields, church parking lots, etc. -the stick people families adorn the back windows of every kid transporter in sight.
If I called my friend for some free “pass through” therapy, she would tell me (better yet, her therapist would inform her after her next session) that my irritation is born from insecurities. Maybe I am just jealous of the stick figure people families. They all seem to be bursting with talent. To bring your stick figure alive on your car, one must have confidence in thy ability. The golfing Dad with his briefcase in hand, the Mom that is in her tennis outfit with a frying pan in one hand and duster in the other, a daughter in a ballerina outfit, a son playing football, a son playing chess, and an array of pets including, dogs, cats, llamas and a guinea pigs…I get nervous just looking at these vehicles. There must be some serious excellence riding in that Odyssey.
What of those of us who toil in the purgatory that is mediocrity? What would our stick figures look like?
* Is there a stick figure Mom who has been zombified? Wearing dirty gym clothes with an empty glass of wine? And maybe with a picture of a vacuum with a slash mark through it to indicate that she is not so good at the cleaning skills? Can she be gesticulating with her eyeballs popping out of her head at the fellow offspring and pet stick figures?
* Do they make little stout, hairy Dad stick people? What if the Dad is bald?
* Is there a toddler stick person standing in a pee puddle? With a big pink bow on her head and a sharpie marker in her hand with a slew of graffiti about?
* How about the stick figure of the little kid who prattles off useless facts of presidential knowledge? How do you personify Cliff Claven in 7 1/2 year old form on a car?
* And then there is the naked 5 year old. Stick people are naked in the first place, right? So do we dress up all other members of the family and just leave him in proper stick form? Will the average passerby understand he just removes his clothes at will and climbs trees or runs into the neighbors’ yards? This one could get dicey.
I really look forward to seeing what you people come up with tomorrow after you vandalize my car…