This afternoon began innocently enough. With Kid#2 down hard with a case of motion-sickness-itis from the spinny wheel at Thornbury Park, swim lessons were a no go, and I had an hour of no-kid time to burn. Hmmm…what would most normal people do? Not what I did.
I decided to go to Fresh Market, because that is one of my happy places. I can nosh on samples and listen to eclectic music being piped throughout the store. I debate to no one in particular whether organic sea salt deodorant is more effective than Mitchum 24 hour super strength. I wonder what dried cucumbers, $14.99 per pound taste like….or why they even exist.
With my list in hand, I set forth on a mission in TFM. I had to buy a dessert for a dinner we are invited to tomorrow night and pass it off as my own. So, I picked a cheesecake with chocolate layered by hand on top. The slight imperfections of the smeared chocolate should indicate homemade. No chance our Italian hosts (who are amazing foodies) will ever know it was purchased. Riiiigggght. I meandered by the butcher case. My husband has had a rather challenging work week, so I decided to be nice and buy him his favorite: pepper bacon. (side note- next time you are whipping up some fettucini carbonara, use this bacon. Divine!)
So, with my purchases tucked into my little hand-baskets on wheels, I headed to the check out line.
When what to my wandering eyes appear…but a prostitute with no fear!
I will do my best to give you a visual. I stared for a long time and I happen to be astutely observant. Nude pleather 5 inch heals. Not even trying to be Choo or Louboutin knock-offs. I would say her tan was via the tanning bed and not a spray one. I looked for little orange coagulation pools around her ankles and could find none. The tan-and-cocoa zebra printed dress was a poly-spandex blend, very stretchy and clingy and just JUST covering her juicy buns (I have bun envy). The luxuriously caramel highlighted hair waved down her back and rested just on top of the aforementioned rotund buns. I can only describe her face and Kardashian-like. Over injected lips with sticky purple lip gloss,kohl rimmed cat eyes, spiky fake black lashes. Flashy gold bangles clanked on both wrists, and the french lacquered gel tips were so long on her nails, they actually arched over. She had a turkey and brie spinach wrap and Chia seed infused tea drink in hand.
I mean, doesn’t that just scream “working girl”? wink.wink.