I’m Baaaack

Greetings, Earthling Friends! It has only taken 10 months, but New Years Resolutions be damned…I vow to put my big girl panties on, lock my kids in the basement, and write on this blog at least once a week.  I figure all I need to do is reference back to my “Today’s Sign of the Apocalypse” postings on Facebook and I have enough material to fill 2012 (I will find you “SXY MOMY”!).  That, and to quote Lord Ned Stark, “Winter is coming…” So with frozen tundra-esque conditions upon us, what else do I have to do? Righty-O.

My friend Lisa has 2 resolutions this year that are providing me with much needed entertainment and a far more exciting than mine.  1.  She and her fiancee have decided that our Y is just too vanilla.  So to spice it up, she is dressing like a Katy Perry/Prince hybrid with big hoop earrings, jacked up socks and bootie shorts.  I got the honor of eliptisizing next to her the other day.  She was definitely getting the hairy eyeball with the grey sweatpant mom clan.  2.  She is giving up boxed wine.  Before you turn up your nose, Black Box Red Wine isn’t that shabby.  Problem was, unavoidable overconsumption.  The box holds about 4 bottles and if you are a large pour (we are) it gets a little fuzzy distiguishing a glass…or a bottle. Therefore, she is back to the bottle.

Besides my resolve to rejuvinate my blog, New Years Resolutions list is fairly typical.

  • Must. lose. baby.weight.  note:  As I type this I am dipping Texas Toast croutons into Chik-fil-A sauce.   Not an auspicious start.
  • Clean up my messes.  note:  why bother? Even at my most cleanest and organized, it is not up to Army Sargeant’s standards. I should declare defeat. Forever.
  • Don’t crash into garage bays.  note:  new car is 4 inches wider….
  • Cook healthier foods.  note:  Does Kraft Veggie Mac and Cheese 3 cheese sauce count? It’s made with cauliflower flour….
  • No more household accumulations (pets, projects,etc.) that I can’t care for. note: just added water purifier to the sea monkey acquarium.

However, I am not going to resolve to be a better Mom.  I think my children will eventually reap the benefits of my dysfunction.

Commenters- send me your best New Years Resolutions…

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