SPANX Ya Later

Just a word of advice, if you are listening out there…

Before you decide to go bathing suit shopping- maybe don’t go in January, when you are pasty white, are on the eve of your 36th birthday, and have gained and lost somewhere in the neighborhood of 332.5 pounds with the 3 children you’ve born.  If you still insist, don’t choose the 20-year-old Nordstrom salesgirl to assist you. (Whom, by the way, I could have taken a sales class from, looking at my receipt…)

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I needed to buy a bathing suit last weekend. I headed up to King of Prussia, the world’s 2nd largest mall under the theory that,

1. I had no children in tow and 3 hours of freedom.

2. If one cannot find something decent at K of P, all that is good in the world is lost forever.

Approximately 58 minutes later, and 14 failed dress rehearsals; I left Nordstrom in a state that no one leaving Nordstrom should feel.  Sad, despondent, wishing I had taken a picture of myself naked at 19…and an empty shopping bag.  (It was after she handed me the $250 suit with decal cut-out bottoms that covered maybe ¼ of my behind that I declared defeat.)

But then, the angels sang.  Just a few stores to my right I spotted SPANX, in all its glittery pink glory.  The moment I entered, I felt better.  Not because I was amongst women who were getting all hot and bothered for Lycra, but because of Sara Blakely.  I feel a little sense of pride about Sara Blakely- the youngest SELF MADE female billionaire in the world.  Sara Blakely was an Alpha Eta Tri Delta at FSU. Even if I missed her by a year, it’s an excellent fun fact that we slept on the same sleeping porch…(Although my husband would say, not nearly as cool as hanging out naked with a member of Duran Duran at the Hard Rock spa.)


Interestingly, at the end of my shopping at SPANX, it wasn’t Sara Blakely or really expensive Lycra that made my day…it was the saleswoman whose name I didn’t even catch.  She was older and wiser than I, and during her frenzy of fetching me all sorts of fat slimming pieces, she caught me down to my underwear, and saw the distress in my face.  She just looked at me and said, “You’ve had 3 kids, you should be proud of yourself. You look great.”  Yes, I realize she was a SALESwoman. Regardless, she made me feel better.

So, I marched right back into Nordstrom and made my purchase.  I mean if the Octogenarians at the gym can go naked in a semi- private locker room, surely I can wear a bathing suit in public.  And so I shall!


6 thoughts on “SPANX Ya Later

  1. Kate says:

    This is why I don’t buy bathing suits. I just wear a burka.

    • ginacolley says:

      That causes a whole other set of issues. Which color is most flattering? Can the mesh over your face contrast with the fabric surrounding your body?

  2. Name says:

    I only ever tried “compression garments” once and my reaction was full belly laughs. I was the crazy person laughing out loud by myself in the dressing room. First at the size of the garment that I was supposed to squeeze into….secondly at the process of putting it on…then silently as I was unable to breathe, let alone laugh. I’ve given up any hope of wrangling the lumps and bumps. So you are way ahead of me if you we’re able to get into them!!! The good thing about needing a new bathing suit this time of year usually means you are lucky …..upcoming trip to somewhere warm perhaps?

    • ginacolley says:

      Dressing rooms with bright lights should just be banned in general. How has no genius marketing person figured this out yet???

      My youngest keeps screaming for the pool while her brother takes swimming lessons. I have been feeling lame not taking her in due to my bathing suit issues in public.

  3. Jaime says:

    I like your blog. But you’ll probably hate me for this. You wrote, “Do to unforseen circumstances.” It should be “Due to” and no semicolon, but a comma afterward.
    Otherwise, very enjoyable.

    • ginacolley says:

      No, thank you. I usually type in a frenzy, and have to proofread in separate time increments. I usually wait a day and 3 proofreads before publishing. My “agent” is out of town- he usually edits as well. I just go by my own rules with the semicolon and comma. Grazie!

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