As to clarify that I am not a complete ogre, but obviously this post does not pertain to those children who, 1.) have any type of special need that requires adult assistance, or 2.) have a cello in tow.
I am a person of superhuman patience, truly I am. But one of these days, I am going to implode and my guess would be it’s going to be at 8:52 AM while I am in the midst of an active car drop off at my childrens’ elementary school. Before I begin my rant, let me explain why I drive my children to school in the morning, because you are going to ask why I don’t just let them ride the big yellow school bus. Yes, they ride the bus home in the afternoon, but they are literally the last stop in the morning after 9 AM. This doesn’t work for any of us for a plethora of reasons.
1. The Eldest begins his day at 6 AM. By 8:30 AM, IT IS TIME TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. Additionally, The Eldest is Type A and likes to have his morning work completed. If he takes the bus, he arrives right as the bell rings and has a mild anxiety attack as he was not able to have all his pencils sharpened and lined up.
2. By 8:30 AM…IT IS TIME TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE AND BEGIN THE DAY. (Really, it’s time to get out of the house.)
3. The Nosy Meap has preschool at 9 AM twice a week, if I don’t drop the boys off at school earlier, she misses the first critical 20 minutes of Toddler Pre-K. I just can’t sacrifice her education like that.
Back to The Car Line. To you non-breeder readers out there, The Car Line is a drop off/pick up line of ankle biter carriers (you call them cars) waiting to…drop off or pick up said little ones while idling in a lane at an elementary school.
There are a lot of unspoken rules (and rules in writing, but who abides by those?) about The Car Line, such as…
* Be efficient, drop off your little one, drive away
* Don’t stop your car when you see a pal, pull up parallel to his/her car to chat, therefore blocking the entire line
* Slowly put your phone down and stop texting in an actively moving car line
* Don’t try to have conversations with school personel manning the door by screaming out of your car window
* Don’t feel as if you have to be directly in front of the school doors to drop your child(ren) off…if you are 3 cars back, it is ok to let them exit your vehicle and walk to the front door…you can actually see them walking through your windshield…you can observe them entering the building…even 6 cars back…trust me…
and, drumroll . . .For the love of all that is good and pure in this world…
* DO NOT FEEL COMPELLED TO GET OUT OF YOUR CAR, GET YOUR CHILD OUT OF THE CAR, WHO HAPPENS TO BE SITTING BEHIND YOU SO YOU HAVE TO WALK IN FRONT OR BEHIND YOUR VEHICLE CAUSING CARS IN FRONT OR BEHIND YOUR VEHICLE TO ADJUST, PUT YOUR CHILD’S BOOKBAG ON, DOUBLE CHECK ALL ZIPPERS AND CLASPS, HAVE A LONG HUG SESSION AND WAR GAME ABOUT THEIR DAY WHEN THERE ARE 4 BUSSES BRIMMING WITH CHILDREN AND AT LEAST 2 DOZEN CARS BEHIND YOU!!!
Again, I might sound completely archaic, but the last bullet point should be done at home. Kiss them good bye in the mudroom. Talk all about the positive opportunities the school day will bring on the car ride over while Kidzbop is blaring the Katy Perry cover of “Roar” during your Tony Robbins’ moment. Have them sit on the side of the car closest to the curb (my boys will be Olympic hurdlers one day, you should see them clear their sister and her bulky carseat with precision).
Deep breathes, folks. It can be done. Just watch them hop, skip and jump all the way into school without having to hold their hand…