Working From Home, Scenario 453.

I can only imagine what the IT department of my company said about me at happy hour Friday evening…

My company switched servers on March 5th.  Friday was … March 15th and I was just getting around to aligning my devices.  Perhaps this is one of the many reasons that my 1099 is down to 4 figures this year.

They’d been calling/emailing me 3 times a day since inception.  It was always an inopportune time.  There is literally always a loud little human within 6 inches of my person.   And, as all you work-from-home parents know, you can’t really trust the nap.  Karma always dictates that when you need them to be asleep for that crucial call, they will wake up with a diaper explosion (and sometimes be smearing the explosive matter all over their sleeping quarters).

It was 5 pm on a Friday, I had shipped The Nosy Meep off to The Grandparent’s for a sleepover.  I figured because just The Oldest and The Middle-ages 5 and 7-were home I would set up a Wii Super Sluggers game and they’d be out of my hair.  I would be able to actually focus for 30 minutes and set up my new email.  Wrong.  You can only imagine how this unfolded.

5 minutes into the call- I heard the piano- and it was very loud.  I put previously mentioned IT person on hold, explaining that the UPS guy was here and I had to sign for a crucial document.   I rush into the play room, and The Middle Child-who had grown bored of Wii-was tip toeing to-and fro- over the keys. Awesome.  I silenced him with promises of pixie stix and a pet snake, and resumed my call.

10 minutes later- thud. bam. bam. crash.  Screams of hysteria from The (overly dramatic) Oldest. “MOOOOOOOOM!” I muffled the mouth piece on my phone and leapt downstairs brandishing a yard stick I found on the way- whirling it about  like a light saber with my eyes popping out of my head.  I had hoped to be so scary that they would run and hide for a few days.  Instead, they burst into laughter.  I ran back up stairs and locked them in the basement.  I slipped a hastily written note under the door to The Oldest mentioning his ridiculousness and the overused threat of telling their former Army sergeant and lead discplinarian Dad.  That seemed to work, for about 5 more minutes.

5 minutes after light saber recital-   ” Esscuse me, Weena Ollie-Hoegate!  The phone is for yoooooooouuuuu”.  It was The Middle Child, who predictably popped the lock and was now pretending to be my receptionist???

Desperately trying to maintain my professional aura, I put him in a headlock, and explained to IT person that someone is in my office and to hold for a moment.  (By the way, IT person was kind enough to follow my charade for the entire time.)  I found my iPad, logged in and double tapped on Angry Birds Star Wars, and sent him to the coat closet.

Then, and only then, was I able to sit in front of my computer and conclude my conversation.

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I faintly recall about a decade ago, my boss betting me that one day I would be at the top of the industry…I bet he’s glad he didn’t wager any cash.

5 thoughts on “Working From Home, Scenario 453.

  1. Brie says:

    Can’t.stop.laughing. You have summed up my monday-friday perfectly!!!! Misery lives company…and humor

  2. Sharon says:

    “Weenie Ollie Hoegate” made me laugh out loud!!!!!!

  3. ginacolley says:

    Much love, Bob. This is another reason I am making 4 figures. I started this post on Friday, after the incident. I revised it on Saturday, only to be interupted by someone in this house. I finally finished it tonight and I did use spell check, wonder why it didn’t pick up sergeant.

    I always mix tenses and never catch it. It really irks my friends who are real writers.

    • ginacolley says:

      Ok, Bob. I fixed my spelling errors and tried to align my tenses. Alas, I’ve had a glass (or 3) of wine, so I may have further bundled my post. Somewhere out there, my high school English teachers are crying.

  4. Bob says:

    “sargeant” spelled sergeant

    “I bet he’s glad didn’t wager any cash” missing “he”

    Mixed tenses throughout

    Spell-check?

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