Would You do THIS to your Lady Parts?

There are a few reasons why it’s good thing that I am not dating in this era (none of which include the fact that I am married to the perfect man, right?).  I decided the other night while watching  “Keeping up with the Kardashians” and observing Kim and Khloe having their girly parts hair lasered off that I would never survive the competition of this generation’s females on the scene.  Besides the fact that secretly I am quite shy about such things, enduring the pain of multiple laser treatments (they are NOT painless- even with the “numbing” cream) in the most sensitive area of ones body is just something I am not game for.  Besides, the longevity gene runs rampant in my family – and while Gregg often describes me as neurotic, I just can’t stop thinking about what those nurses would say to each other behind my back in the nursing home…

 As I wouldn’t laser myself bare, the alternative doesn’t sound appealing, either.  I can’t imagine adorning thyself with vagazzles (check out this seasons Weeds, episode 3).  Even Jennifer Love Hewitt has done this….if SHE needs jewels to get some action, how’s a non-lasered-non-vagazzled girl to have a competitive edge? Love Hewitt recently quoted while promoting her new book;  “After a breakup, a friend of mine Swarovski-crystalled my precious lady,” she said. “It shined like a disco ball so I have a whole chapter in there on how women should vagazzle their vajayjay!”  Hmmm…I can’t imagine the look on my OB/GYN’s face during my next prenatal appointment if I showed up Swarovskied.

As you now know how I feel about burning hair out of it’s roots with a laser or blasting one’s flesh with a Bedazzler, I don’t need to opine on secret piercings.  My last kid was 9.4 lbs…urban legend says my next will be bigger.  I just can’t envision myself voluntarily allowing a piercing gun anywhere near my parts…they’ve been through enough!  So bring it dear reader – what would you/have you/couldn’t you do down south?!?!

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