You Know You Do It

EVERYONE loves it when the skinny girl blows up like a house during pregnancy….you know you do too!

(Let me preface this entry with my breakfast menu. 2.5 big and flaky Pillsbury Cinnamon rolls, 1 with with Cinnabon Icing.  The boys licked all the icing off of theirs and left me with the remnants that I could not let go to waste).

Is there anything better than going to your high school reunion to find out the star football player is now working as a “sanitation engineer” and the head cheerleader is now the checkout girl at WalMart?  I respectfully submit, for your consideration:  the skinny girl who gets crazy fat while pregnant.

Everyone loves to watch a skinny girl get fat-  you know you do.  In the darkest corner in the attic of your brain where all evil lurks- you truly get excited watching someone else get nice and chunky.   Shadenfreud!   Five years ago when I got pregnant with my firstborn, I refocused my OCD palate for wine to the most decadent and fattening foods I could get my hands on.

My friends didn’t hold back- they squealed with delight every time they saw me during my first pregnancy with Luke.  My retort was always the fact that I have “popped” (ever want to scare your daughter into abstinence?  Call me and I will give a play-by-play-detail-by-detail of my childbirth) out an 8 lb 2oz and 9lb 4 oz babies.

Finer delicacies I enjoyed in Tallahassee that I will have to find a substitute for:

•        All American (Waffle House)- Scattered, Smothered and Covered Hasbrowns with eggs, bacon, toast and extra crispy waffles washed down with a fountain coke flavored with vanilla

•        Gyro with extra Tzaziki (Pete’s House of Gyro’s)

•        Blue Bird Sandwich (Hopkins)- turkey, cream cheese, sunflower seeds

•        Wine & Cheese (Bagel Bagel)- Turkey and Bacon on a toasted hoagie roll topped with provolone and rich dressing poured on top

•        Strawberry Shortcake (Ted’s Montana Grill) Huge scoops of vanilla ice cream over biscuit cakes drizzled with strawberries

I know of only one other  person who ever blew up even close to the gonzo size as I did.  That would be my friend Raegan who gained about 60 pounds with her 1st pregnancy (on the right).   You all love to hate her- blonde haired blue eyed with a perpetual tan and maybe 100 lbs soaking wet.  When she showed up at our buddy Liz’s wedding 8 mouths pregnant in a purple dress I think I started the Barney jokes.  It was really bad and I recall saying to myself in my inside voice, “Oh, I will never get that big”.  (See photo on the lower right – you can hate her again. She got her skinny back.)

Join me on my culinary journey of blubber accumulation during these next few months.  Will you take the over or the under? Holgate says the bets start at 55lbs…….Will I pack on 80 lbs this winter as I did with Luke? Or just a mere 45 as I did with E?  Off to Cracker Barrel I go for some cheesy hash browns while you hit the “Add A Comment” button, I’m off to add some lbs!

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